Side ≠ confused
Some people worry they’re “not gay” if penetration doesn’t feel right. But sexual orientation and sexual preferences aren’t the same thing. Your attraction, your intimacy style, and your boundaries are valid.
Definition • Clarity • Connection
What is a side?
A side is a gay/bi man who generally isn’t into penetrative sex (neither topping nor bottoming) and prefers other forms of intimacy instead. It’s not “less than” — it’s simply a different preference.
This site exists to inform, support, and share real experiences. It's not a hookup or dating platform.
Looking for more detail? The updated FAQ covers common questions about being a side, exploring gay intimacy, and navigating attraction — including for straight, bisexual, and bicurious men.
Quick takeaways
- Gay sex isn’t only topping and bottoming.
- “Side” is a helpful label, not a rule.
- Great sex can be connection-first and non-penetrative.
The basics (without the pressure)
For a long time, gay culture has treated “top/bottom/vers” as the main menu. But many men don’t feel at home in that binary — and that’s normal.
Side ≠ “no sex”
Many sides have strong sexual desire. The difference is simply which activities feel best: closeness, touch, making out, mutual pleasure, and connection — without centering penetration.
Side can be deeply satisfying
For many men, the best sex is the kind that feels present, relaxed, and emotionally connected — not role-driven or performance-driven.
What sides often enjoy
Everyone’s personal menu is different — but side intimacy often centers on closeness, chemistry, and mutual pleasure.
Connection-first intimacy
Examples can include long makeout sessions, sensual touch, mutual exploration, massage, grinding/frottage, and other non-penetrative ways to feel close and turned on.
The point isn’t “which acts count.” The point is choosing what feels good for you and your partner.
A note on labels
Some men are always sides. Some are sides “for now.” Some are versatile in other ways. Labels can help you communicate — but you don’t owe anyone a box.
If your preference changes over time, that’s normal too.